All I have has been given to me

is what they say. “count your blessings, every single one”, but counting can be… a bit difficult. You know, it’s hard to count when you find out your mom, the most godly female figure in my life, was diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s hard to count when your best friend whittles his life away living in shallow pleasures of drugs and alcohol. It’s hard to count when you lose your financial aid for schooling. It’s hard to count when the father of a close family is diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer. Watching him slowly deteriorate with his 12 year old soon sitting by him. It kills me, it wrenches tightly on my heart. My “atheist/humanist” friends always question me how a truly loving deity exist with the atrocities that are rampant in this world. How can bad things happen to good people?

It hurts. Why God, why tear me apart like this. Why give me this, You’re supposed to love me. You’re supposed to have my best needs in mind. You’re supposed to love me, care for me. Aren’t you supposed to show me the easiest way?

No, You show me the right way, you show me the way I’m supposed to go. God i praise you for the trials I’m put through though the seem like mountains to me, they’re but foot hills to other. I’m truly blessed and I need to remind myself everyday that whatever I have I do not deserve. Everything I receive is a wonderful blessing that I should be never be ungrateful for. The pains I go through help me grow.

I see you in my times of great joy and overwhelming hardships. I praise you for both and pray I seek you more and more everyday of my life. I pray my desire for knowing you is never weakened.

(Source: prayinfaith)

My whole world just fell apart